Water
Based on a memory. A child decides between facing her fear or living in fear.
“Remember, you all have this weekend to get your permission slips signed,” Mr. Bellez says as he leans over my desk passing me the last slip. “Trust me, it’s going to be the most memorable field trip to end off your last year of elementary scho-” he goes on until the bell cuts him off.
I’d always known I have to face this fear someday. Just not so soon. I had given myself at least until I was too old with weak, shrinking bones to learn. As I was walking towards the exit, the noise of all the fifth-grade teachers repeating “don’t forget your bathing suits this weekend!” filled the hallways. I came to the conclusion that there’s no way I’m letting myself go to this drown proofing trip.
When I walked into The Swim Center, I could already hear the loud, echoed splashes coming from all the perfectly blue, wide pools. “So the first lesson we’re learning today is floating on our backs,” the swim instructor says as the whole fifth grade lines up to walk to our assigned pools. The small group I was assigned to walked toward the furthest pool at the end of the building. “ A secluded place for me to drown, even better” I reassured myself.
My group stood around the perimeter of the 3ft pool watching our instructor proceed to demonstrate what proper back floating looked like. “Now, I want all of you to sit on the edge, do not jump in” she instructs. I didn’t want to stand out. So I slowly, reluctantly did as I was told. “Now gently submerge yourself so you’re standing ” she continues. I watched my group step into the water with ease. Attempting to blend in, I step in as well. Not quite with ease as the others, but passable. My heart rapidly thumped. This is actually happening. Goosebumps took over my skin as I tried to adjust to the slight coldness of the water.
“So far so good guys.” “ Now, I want you to grab the handrail, lean back, and release your legs from the floor.” the instructor explains while demonstrating. “See, just like this.” “Then let go of the rail and allow yourself to feel like a leaf, or a balloon, or a sponge or an apple…” As she went on listing every floating object that existed, her voice turned into muffles. I thought to myself, how am I suppose to float like that when I feel like an anxious anchor.
Her voice returned to a crisp as soon as I heard “Who would like to volunteer? I immediately looked down at my distorted feet clinging to the pool’s floor. “Me.” a quiet girl to my left said. The instructor couldn’t hear her but she noticed the girl’s hand had perked up along with her response. “Great, alright over here then”. The girl joined the instructor. She was about the same size as me, maybe a little taller. She did exactly as the instructor had said before. She held the rail, slowly leaned back, and up her feet left the floor. “Beautiful job!” the instructor cheered. “Now all you have to do is let go of the rail!” It takes the girl a while, but as soon as she does, the instructor asks “So how do you feel?” “Like — like a rubber duck” she responds.
My thumping heart began again.
The rest of us walked to the closest handrail along the sides of the pool and did as we saw. I grabbed the handrail, leaned back, shook my head, and stopped.
“I’m just too scared,” I said under my breath.
I watched everyone in my group happily floating. Some struggled of course, but they were all still floating. I could feel the instructor’s disappointment as she swam towards me. “Com’on first timer, let me help you out.” she encouraged. Shocked by her exciting tone of voice, I decided to give it another try.
I grabbed the handrail, I leaned back while my instructor supported my back in the water, I reluctantly lifted my legs, and then, like magic I was floating. “I’m going to let go now ok?” she reassures.
“What? No please!” I yelled as she simply let go. I was still floating. At that exact moment, I gained newfound confidence.
“Alright, amazing job guys!”
Throughout the day, we continued learning breathing techniques, gliding with our faces in the water, kicking, and front floating. With the new skills I learned, I couldn’t wait to conquer more.
The next three days of the drown proofing trip went by, and I was ready to face the last day. We reviewed how to float, beginner swimming techniques, making a lifejacket with large t-shirts, using t-shirts as a way to pull victims from the water, and finally learning how to appropriately put on lifejackets on ourselves and others. It was great learning all the various survival skills. But, there was a problem. Every lesson was taught in the same 3ft shallow pool. For the past three days, I would always gaze past the 13ft pool the more experienced kids were learning in. There was a part of me that was glad my group hadn’t rotated there yet. Unfortunately, the day came.
“So guys with everything we’ve learned this week, we are now practicing our skills in the deep end.” our instructor said as we trailed behind her. When we reached the 13ft pool, we strapped on our life jackets just as we learned prior. After confirmation that all of ours were on correctly, we sat on the edge of the pool. The anxiety of my feet not touching the surface filled my mind. Meanwhile, my group had already slid in.
I thought to myself, “You can sit out, watch from the side, and be an anchor or you can at least try.”
I decided right then and there to slide right on in.
